Tried to do some research into getting help for my depression and almost everything, especially on more well-known websites ended in explaining how all the treatments often don't work :'( I don't know what to do :(:(:(:(

Its been nearly 4 years. 4 horrible years and 3 since i started throwing up. And the only times the one person who knows has ever shown ANY concern has been when i've lost weight and they've said things like 'Be careful, you'll end up with an eating disorder' even thought they knwo how much i restrict and binge and purge etc and i just think 'do you fucking know what an eating disorder is?' they have no idea how much my mind is destroying me! NO IDEA AT ALL! It makes me feel even more alone.
It just reinforces the idea that to be cared about i need to weigh so much less.
I have 2 months to lose a stone. If not by then, i will destroy everything here :'(

I've only thrown up once in the last two weeks.... i've never done this before, i've been doing it for 3 years (in two weeks) and this is the first time i've been able to not do it. Its been really hard.. like, actually really hard. Im not pretending that i've given up or anything because im not sure i have.. but im just trying not to overthink this too much and just not let myself do it. I have binged a couple times and its been so orrible not to let myself do it.. But i have noticed that i've probably gone to far with this since i've fully thrown up twice just after eating since i last did it.. its like my body naturally rejects the food now..
But anyway, i've been eating like 1000kcal and doing little bits of excersize every now and then, just trying not to put too much pressure on myself!
I don't think i've lost any weight but i've somehow lost and inch off my hips just in this last wee!
So, one inch down, 3 to go :)